The Ladeindes
Mrs Temidola Ladeinde and her
husband, Olukayode, who welcomed a set of triplets after 12 years of being
married without a child, in this interview narrates her struggles and
triumph:
What is your name and
occupation?
I am Temidola Ladeinde, fondly called EMATS by friends,
and I’m a certified HR specialist. I love my job with passion.
For how long have you been married?
We got married in May 2009 – it’s been 12
years, seven months.
You have a unique story. You gave birth to
a set of triplets after 12 years of being married. How exactly does this make
you feel?
Like pinch me for real… I feel elated,
grateful and privileged. Three beautiful goody bags in one shop, it’s amazing!
Did you at any point give up the hope that
you will ever have your own babies?
Hmnnn… This is a tricky question. I won’t
say I was strong throughout the journey; no. There were different emotions of
faith and expectations but there were also moments of despair, helplessness and
feeling overwhelmed. There were days of unhindered happiness and there were
days of uncontrollable tears. But there was no month that I didn’t feel
disappointed. I had reasons to give up but I never stopped hoping.
Delay in childbearing can put a couple
under pressure from society. How exactly did you and your husband deal with
that?
Sincerely, it
wasn’t easy. First off, my husband shielded me a lot from societal pressure.
There were outings and gatherings that we didn’t attend because I didn’t feel
like it. There was even an occasion that we drove back home because I became
hysterical on the way to the event. We talk and discuss a lot. We talk about
everything and anything freely. We make excuses for people and we knew when to
withdraw from any particular relationship. Nobody was more important than
either of us to the extent of making us unhappy because of children. However,
neither of us ever told the other, “I didn’t marry you because of children.”
No, not once. We both love children and both of us always wanted to have our
children.
Sincerely, it
wasn’t easy. First off, my husband shielded me a lot from societal pressure.
There were outings and gatherings that we didn’t attend because I didn’t feel
like it. There was even an occasion that we drove back home because I became
hysterical on the way to the event. We talk and discuss a lot. We talk about
everything and anything freely. We make excuses for people and we knew when to
withdraw from any particular relationship. Nobody was more important than
either of us to the extent of making us unhappy because of children. However,
neither of us ever told the other, “I didn’t marry you because of children.”
No, not once. We both love children and both of us always wanted to have our
children.
We remained resolute in our desire for
children all through the years. We got tired but we didn’t stop trying.
There are plenty stories of
couples who broke up over delay in childbearing. What kept your family going?
We have two common grounds: Friendship and God. We
maintained our friendship in marriage. We respected our individual boundaries.
We kept growing and developing in areas where we could. We both have unique
relationship with God as individuals, as a couple and as a family.
At what point after your
marriage did you begin to feel concerned about not getting pregnant?
Very early. I started seeking medical answers
barely six months into our marriage. Based on observations, I just believe that
it doesn’t take so much time to get impregnated. Also because of our status as
Christians, we practised abstinence from sex during our courtship and were
looking forward to being rewarded with pregnancy as soon as possible. So, for
me, that we didn’t achieve a pregnancy within three months, it was concerning
and we should seek help soon enough.
What kind of solutions did you
seek and what were the outcomes?
We did all that is permissible by God and in line
with our faith. We sought medical help from the simplest to the advanced
(ovulation tracking, IUI and IVF). We went through both invasive and
non-invasive treatments, including fibroid surgery. We consulted multiple
doctors at different times in private and public practices. Initially, all
indicators pointed at “unexplainable primary infertility” for many years. But
as I kept growing older, few medical conditions started coming up: fibroid,
endometriosis, low AMH, hormonal imbalance. Hmnnnn, it was a tough and rough
journey. So much efforts, no single pregnancy. I’m not kidding, our
triplets was my first and only pregnancy! God is awesome.
Did anyone at any point advise
you to adopt a child?
Yes, I was advised to consider an adoption. I also
attended some seminars where legal adoption was discussed extensively and
encouraged as a viable option. And, of course, I gave it a try. I even started
the process. I met good people who connected me with relevant departments in
both Ogun and Oyo states. I got my husband’s consent to submit applications to
both and I was ready to file for adoption at the two states’ ministries with
the hope that one of them would be successful. Graciously, we were
confirmed pregnant seven months after we considered taking the steps.
I have come to believe in legal adoption and I do
not see it as meaning loss of faith nor of giving up on oneself.
What was the strangest advice
that you received?
Interesting, it was someone telling me about how
virile he is with impregnating women. I had just joined a new organisation and
one of the employees that I met there (a non-Nigerian) unsuspectingly asked me
of my marital status and subsequently boasted of how good his record is. He
said to me: “If I were your husband, you would have been pregnant by now.” And
on and on he went, telling me of his “fathering capability.”
In the course of your
pregnancy did you have scans to know you were expecting three babies?
Of course, I did and it was three. Though, the
doctor said we should do another to be sure they are not more than three. I
responded by telling him, impossible! The second scan confirmed three.
Did knowing that you were
expecting three babies at once put you under pressure?
It depends on what you mean by pressure. I was
advised to stop working by our treating OB-GYN – including getting a second
opinion to be on complete bed rest. For a career-oriented professional, that
was huge. Even remote working was advised against. On a lighter note, it would
have been expected that I should be eating for four people (including me), but
the bigger the uterus the smaller the stomach felt.
You gave birth to your babies
abroad. What informed that decision?
Well, we were advised to ensure that we sought
quality medical services. It wasn’t easy. We didn’t have all the
financial resources but supports came. It turned out to be a wise decision.
Things changed so fast, and the medical team sprung
into emergency action. There were more than 15 specialists (including top
consultants and heads of departments) in the theatre. They didn’t know me; it
wasn’t based on connections and before making any financial deposits, our
triplets were delivered and I’m awed at the goodness of God and impressed by
the quality of professional services that we received. It was classified a
high-risk pregnancy and one of the doctors named me “miracle mummy.”
What will you say to couples
who are experiencing delay in childbearing?
When God is set, everything aligns. On this journey, seek medical help and by all means work with a fertility coach. While expecting, keep your marriage and don’t stop developing.