A MOTHER AT LAST AFTER 23 YEARS OF MARRIAGE: Yemi’s story

Baby Akinkunmi's dedication

What can I say? All I can do is to be thankful for God’s mercy. As I write, my little baby is fast asleep beside me; I am a mother after 23 years of marriage but we never envisioned such a long wait. Before our marriage, my husband and I had mapped and planned out our lives: we would start a family after 5 years when all additional and higher education was completed and we were financially stable. However when we were ready about 5 years into our marriage, life had other plans for us… no pregnancy was forthcoming.

Early tests revealed azoospermia. My husband’s doctor friend told him he should have hidden the test result from me as some wives have been known to run away in similar cases. A nurse advised me that in Africa, there was no ‘barren’ man and another woman may come later with a ‘manufactured’ baby for my husband so I should go ‘out’ to get a boyfriend that would impregnate me. When I objected saying I was a Christian, she laughed. So began our fertility journey. We were not worried though. We felt that as long as we had God and each other, we would overcome. We determined never to resort to native doctors, anything fetish or even ‘prophets’ and decided to first try some natural fertility herbs whose practitioner we had read about in the newspapers. This brought about a breakthrough but not enough to produce results. We told no one and confided in no one about our fertility struggles so it was quite a lonely journey for me who had very few friends. Neither of our families pressurized us but I pressurized myself as the years passed. Google became my closest friend and many nights I researched long and hard, often into the early hours for solution. Occasionally my father-in-law suggested steps and concoctions which we rejected.

Medically, we tried EVERYTHING. In 2005/2006, our gynaecologist referred us for Assisted Reproductive Treatment at one of the best clinics in the country. We sold practically all of our investments to pay for some treatment cycles but they ended in failure and was a painful and colossal waste of money.

We joined the Laughter Church early 2007, praying and doing all the assignments. We were soon after able to see the General Overseer for prayer. In between we occasionally saw other men of God for prayer and also went through some more medical treatment. In London in 2008, I was able to see a famous man of God who I would not otherwise have been able to see back in Nigeria and he also prayed for us.

In 2010, I lost my dad in traumatic and devastating circumstances and also painfully lost my first ever pregnancy later that same year. Meanwhile, we continued to pray and hope, taking all sorts of supplements, changing to a more natural diet and doing colon cleansing, enemas, hydrotherapy, needle acupuncture, reflexology , castor oil pack treatments, femoral artery massages, fertility massages, full body massages, oil pulling, expensive hormone injections - you name it; anything my research indicated would be helpful. No chemist or pharmacy no matter the location, was too far or inaccessible in my frequent search for often scarce supplements. I became a regular at some laboratories, constantly testing to see whether medications had worked. Demoralised, I stopped going to one particular lab at Yaba when I was greeted with, “you again! Go for injection that will shoot it up instead of wasting time on medications.”(as if it was that easy!).

At a certain point in time I was traveling regularly to Molipa Estate, Ijebu Ode to purchase imported herbal supplements from a popular herbal practitioner there because it was a more regular source. Went also for herbs at the famous Elizabeth Kafaru clinic in Ikeja before she passed on. I won’t forget also my regular visits to a Catholic church at Maryland, Lagos to purchase the Pax herbal supplements of the Ewu monks. . There were others, as long as we were sure it was purely herbal with no spiritual attachment. Can I also forget several months of treatment (including rushing from my brother’s wedding for ovulation tracking at the clinic) with another natural health practitioner , who was also a pastor at Canaan land?

I recall too, going in search of an advertiser that promised his patients would get pregnant within one month; needless to say, his treatment did not work. There were a few others over the years that I cannot readily remember. Can I forget going all out to purchase a particular advertised supplement that promised results? Or the Mushin pharmacy that dealt in wholesale imported supplements?

Meanwhile, the years were passing but I was not anxious because I fully trusted my partner and he could see the lengths I was going to find a solution. One thing that helped me during those long years was having a positive attitude and refusing to wear a long face anywhere. Whenever friends or relations cared to invite us for their child dedication or naming ceremonies, we went cheerfully to celebrate with them but one incident stands out; one day, my husband and I decided to visit some friends we had not seen for some time. Our surprise can only be imagined when we got to their house only for us to meet them hosting a naming ceremony for their new baby! Theirs was a prime example of the belief that we would not be happy for them because we were childless so we were kept in the dark about the birth and naming despite being ‘friends.’

2016 was finally our Year of Jubilee with the conception of our precious daughter. I registered at two different hospitals (one government and the other private) and was doing antenatal at those clinics simultaneously. We decided that despite the very harsh economic climate, we were taking no health chances and would birth the baby in the USA. God miraculously supplied our needs and gave us favour everywhere. It was favour at the US embassy where we were speedily given medical visas and favour at the Dallas POE with the friendly officers when I arrived there in my 35^th week of pregnancy and favour again with my high risk obgyn in El Paso who assessed and allowed me to have a normal vaginal delivery despite the very precious nature of my pregnancy and my advanced age!  Akinkunmi came on the 7th of December at 1.17 am [my dad would have been chuffed as he loved the number 7 and had even written a book about it ]        I give God all the glory.