TRIPLETS AFTER 12 YEARS OF BARRENESS

 

The Ladeindes

Mrs Temidola Ladeinde and her husband, Olukayode, who welcomed a set of triplets after 12 years of being married without a child, in this interview narrates her struggles and triumph:

What is your name and occupation?

I am Temidola Ladeinde, fondly called EMATS by friends, and I’m a certified HR specialist. I love my job with passion.

For how long have you been married?

We got married in May 2009 – it’s been 12 years, seven months.

You have a unique story. You gave birth to a set of triplets after 12 years of being married. How exactly does this make you feel?

Like pinch me for real… I feel elated, grateful and privileged. Three beautiful goody bags in one shop, it’s amazing!

Did you at any point give up the hope that you will ever have your own babies?

Hmnnn… This is a tricky question. I won’t say I was strong throughout the journey; no. There were different emotions of faith and expectations but there were also moments of despair, helplessness and feeling overwhelmed. There were days of unhindered happiness and there were days of uncontrollable tears. But there was no month that I didn’t feel disappointed. I had reasons to give up but I never stopped hoping.

Delay in childbearing can put a couple under pressure from society. How exactly did you and your husband deal with that?

Sincerely, it wasn’t easy. First off, my husband shielded me a lot from societal pressure. There were outings and gatherings that we didn’t attend because I didn’t feel like it. There was even an occasion that we drove back home because I became hysterical on the way to the event. We talk and discuss a lot. We talk about everything and anything freely. We make excuses for people and we knew when to withdraw from any particular relationship. Nobody was more important than either of us to the extent of making us unhappy because of children. However, neither of us ever told the other, “I didn’t marry you because of children.” No, not once. We both love children and both of us always wanted to have our children.

Sincerely, it wasn’t easy. First off, my husband shielded me a lot from societal pressure. There were outings and gatherings that we didn’t attend because I didn’t feel like it. There was even an occasion that we drove back home because I became hysterical on the way to the event. We talk and discuss a lot. We talk about everything and anything freely. We make excuses for people and we knew when to withdraw from any particular relationship. Nobody was more important than either of us to the extent of making us unhappy because of children. However, neither of us ever told the other, “I didn’t marry you because of children.” No, not once. We both love children and both of us always wanted to have our children.

We remained resolute  in our desire for children all through the years. We got tired but we didn’t stop trying.

There are plenty stories of couples who broke up over delay in childbearing. What kept your family going?

We have two common grounds: Friendship and God. We maintained our friendship in marriage. We respected our individual boundaries. We kept growing and developing in areas where we could. We both have unique relationship with God as individuals, as a couple and as a family.

At what point after your marriage did you begin to feel concerned about not getting pregnant?

Very early. I started seeking medical answers barely six months into our marriage. Based on observations, I just believe that it doesn’t take so much time to get impregnated. Also because of our status as Christians, we practised abstinence from sex during our courtship and were looking forward to being rewarded with pregnancy as soon as possible. So, for me, that we didn’t achieve a pregnancy within three months, it was concerning and we should seek help soon enough.

What kind of solutions did you seek and what were the outcomes?

We did all that is permissible by God and in line with our faith. We sought medical help from the simplest to the advanced (ovulation tracking, IUI and IVF). We went through both invasive and non-invasive treatments, including fibroid surgery. We consulted multiple doctors at different times in private and public practices. Initially, all indicators pointed at “unexplainable primary infertility” for many years. But as I kept growing older, few medical conditions started coming up: fibroid, endometriosis, low AMH, hormonal imbalance. Hmnnnn, it was a tough and rough journey. So much efforts, no single pregnancy.  I’m not kidding, our triplets was my first and only pregnancy! God is awesome.

Did anyone at any point advise you to adopt a child?

Yes, I was advised to consider an adoption. I also attended some seminars where legal adoption was discussed extensively and encouraged as a viable option.  And, of course, I gave it a try. I even started the process. I met good people who connected me with relevant departments in both Ogun and Oyo states. I got my husband’s consent to submit applications to both and I was ready to file for adoption at the two states’ ministries with the hope that one of them would be successful.  Graciously, we were confirmed pregnant seven months after we considered taking the steps.

I have come to believe in legal adoption and I do not see it as meaning loss of faith nor of giving up on oneself.

What was the strangest advice that you received?

Interesting, it was someone telling me about how virile he is with impregnating women. I had just joined a new organisation and one of the employees that I met there (a non-Nigerian) unsuspectingly asked me of my marital status and subsequently boasted of how good his record is. He said to me: “If I were your husband, you would have been pregnant by now.” And on and on he went, telling me of his “fathering capability.”

In the course of your pregnancy did you have scans to know you were expecting three babies?

Of course, I did and it was three. Though, the doctor said we should do another to be sure they are not more than three. I responded by telling him, impossible! The second scan confirmed three.

Did knowing that you were expecting three babies at once put you under pressure?

It depends on what you mean by pressure. I was advised to stop working by our treating OB-GYN – including getting a second opinion to be on complete bed rest. For a career-oriented professional, that was huge. Even remote working was advised against. On a lighter note, it would have been expected that I should be eating for four people (including me), but the bigger the uterus the smaller the stomach felt.

You gave birth to your babies abroad. What informed that decision?

Well, we were advised to ensure that we sought quality medical services.  It wasn’t easy. We didn’t have all the financial resources but supports came. It turned out to be a wise decision.

Things changed so fast, and the medical team sprung into emergency action. There were more than 15 specialists (including top consultants and heads of departments) in the theatre. They didn’t know me; it wasn’t based on connections and before making any financial deposits, our triplets were delivered and I’m awed at the goodness of God and impressed by the quality of professional services that we received. It was classified a high-risk pregnancy and one of the doctors named me “miracle mummy.”

What will you say to couples who are experiencing delay in childbearing?

When God is set, everything aligns. On this journey, seek medical help and by all means work with a fertility coach. While expecting, keep your marriage and don’t stop developing.